A Catholic Heart and a Protestant Mind

The title says it all. I found a wonderful Protestant church that I like. It feels like home there. Everyone says that I sound happier after attending. But I was raised Catholic. I am preparing for a Catholic wedding. I know God doesn't use labels (in the words of my grandma) but I feel torn. I've written about this inner schism on ALTARWORK:

Schism Prism

Backspaced Bio

I've been praying about this for a few months now. I need to keep praying. I need to keep listening.

Officially a Christian Writer

And that is definitely not a label I thought I would ever have.

Christian writer. Christian poet.

Just a year ago, I would have wrinkled my nose at those titles. But here I am.

As of last month, some of my poems have been published with the Christian e-magazine ALTARWORK. The man behind the e-magazine contacted me through Twitter, and I was initially skeptical. Was there any chance that I would be accepted in this online Christian community that accepted me for all that I am - political views and all? I decided to ask this before thinking about submitting.

Turns out, that answer is in the affirmative.

That was all I needed to know, so I submitted. And I got accepted. Two of my poems are currently online - "Filial Prodigal" and "Water Shimmers" - and there will be more to come.

I never thought I would be a Christian poet, as a published label. I am a sinner, and yet I was accepted to share my creative work that expresses my love for God. I prayed for acceptance and God answered.

I feel different under this label - like I'm held to the expectations of what makes not only a Christian, but a Christian writer. I am a Christian poet, so now I am inspired to live life as a Christian poet would - full of creativity, gentleness, and forgiveness.

I'm looking forward to future publications with ALTARWORK, and where my writing and faith journey is going to take me, especially now that the two have intersected.

The Prayer of Jabez and Answered Prayers

I love reading the prayer of Jabez. When I was a kid, I read the book “The Prayer of Jabez for Kids” by Bruce Wilkinson, and its accompanying devotional. When I was a teenager, I read the “for Teens” counterpart. Last year, I read the “for Women” counterpart, written by his wife, Darlene Wilkinson. Today, I purchased Wilkinson’s original book on Jabez, and I also purchased the Kindle version of Spurgeon’s sermon on Jabez’s prayer (I am aware of Spurgeon’s anti-Catholic stance, but I’m open to reading this sermon regardless).

Last week, I started reading Wilkinson’s four-week devotional on the prayer of Jabez. Between reading the Bible on the SheReadsTruth devotional app on my phone and reading books from last month’s Christian book haul, I can feel myself getting closer to God. I used to smirk and scoff when I heard people say that, but here I am, feeling God’s presence and the Holy Spirit within me. I can already feel the prayer working because of my belief in both the prayer and God.

On Monday, I had been thinking a lot about the ring I had received as a confirmation gift. I had thrown out a lot of old personal belongings before my last move; I was afraid I had done the same with this beloved item. I wanted to know where it was since it is small and perfect for a day-to-day reminder of living up to my beliefs. I couldn’t remember what happened to it, and neither could my mom. I was sure I had thrown it out, but I held onto hope. Monday morning, I started searching online to see if I could either find a price to buy a new one, or to see if my memory would be jogged to its location. So I prayed about it.

By lunchtime, I went home and searched in the utility room. This room, once thought to be a future area for recreational activities, had turned into a storage room of my boxes that had been left unpacked. I have been searching through them lately to get rid of excess stuff (I will be moving soon, so there is an impending yard sale). As I looked through random boxes, a thought told me that the ring was in the room, in one of the boxes. I continued to sift through boxes, aware that time for my lunch hour was limited.

After having been unsuccessful, I went to step out of the utility room, when a whisper in my heart – that is literally how it felt – told me to turn around and look back in one of the boxes that I had briefly glanced at. So I did. I found the ring at the bottom of this crate and I felt the kind of relief that can only be felt when a prayer is answered.

Two days later, I wear the ring now, and I feel like God gave it to me.

I’m currently falling behind on my devotionals, but I’ll be able to catch up. In the meantime, since I started praying the Jabez prayer last week, two of my prayers have been answered that I can think of off the top of my head. I am extremely grateful. I’ve always loved the prayer of Jabez, and it’s a beautiful moment to see the gifts of answered prayers.

"My Faith in Humanity is Restored"

There is a popular phrase that I hear whenever something happens - whether good or bad. It's funny how the English language can do things like that.

This morning I went on Twitter, and found out about the horrific terrorist attacks in Brussels, Belgium. After I posted my #PrayersforBelgium tweet (as one does now during every monthly disaster), I reflected on how hashtags like this have become the norm, as if we have been desensitized to tragedy. Another shooting? That's sad, but okay. Another bombing? Seen it before. And then after that reflection, I thought to myself, "My faith in humanity is lost."

Earlier this afternoon, I went on Facebook and clicked on an article that mentioned how a family that was about to welcome a baby texted the wrong number. The owner of the wrong number showed up to the birth anyway, with presents. This stranger could have easily been a terrorist or a murderer, but things turned out for the best. I was so touched by the story that I shared it, writing the caption "My faith in humanity is restored."

I saw the pattern. My faith in humanity is in constant flux because I agree with the actions of some and disagree with the actions of others. My faith in humanity changes based on the action I am witnessing and its following perception. There is both good and bad in the world - meaning, my faith in humanity is being both restored and lost.

And that's when I realized that faith in humanity is a losing battle, because humans, more often than not, will let you down. But faith in God is as constant as your own faith. God will always have faith in me, and I wonder how many times I have let Him down? But if I have faith in God, then He will never let me down.

Over my spiritual journey of the past few months, my faith in God has been restored - and as I reflect on this, I know that God's faith in me never wavered. No matter what, His faith is in me, and it is up to me to make sure that I don't let Him down.

So I will take the good with the bad, as far as humanity is considered. We are a multi-faceted creature, and God knows that. He knew that when He created us. It's time I place my foreverfaith in Him.

A Personal Hymn

I was a sheep astray
found by the lamb,
I was a prodigal daughter
Found by the I Am.

Just Because I Want to Digitize This Note

I wrote this family tree on my sticky note and I wanted to digitize it on my blog. The sticky note is currently in my Lenten Meditations booklet and I will doodle it into my journal Bible when it's delivered to me.

Adam > Seth > Enosh > Noah > Abraham > Isaac > Jacob > Moses > David > Jesus > Everyone through belief

We Need to Talk About This Meme

There's a meme that's been making it's way around some of my Facebook friends, and it goes a little something like this...

Now, I'm not going to sit here and say how offended I am by it. But I will sit here and describe in lengthy detail why I disagree with its subliminal anti-Catholic message.

Why do I say this meme is anti-Catholic? Because most of the things listed in this meme are specifically of Catholic origin. Specifically - Mary, Baptism, and the Pope.

This meme is obviously directed at sects of Christianity who consider themselves Saved because they accepted Jesus into their heart in a conscious decision, like a Born-Again Christian. That's cool and all, I won't degrade another's belief to push my own agenda, but I have a problem with the way it steps on Catholic beliefs to get its message across. (Disclaimer: I only speak from the Catholic perspective. I do not know the details of the beliefs of other Christian sects.)

And finally, let's take a look at the only Bible verse included in the meme. From the NASB translation found on my SheReadsTruth app, John 3:16 states "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life."

With that in mind, let's take a look at the Catholic perspective of everything on that wall.

Priest - These are the teachers, leaders, and sacrament providers of a church congregation. Catholics do not look to priests to save them, but merely guide their soul toward God. In this scenario, Jesus still does the saving.

Mary - I have been called a "Mary-worshiper." So let me just say - no, we do not worship Mary. We venerate her for making the decision to say Yes to God and bear His son. We revere her as one would revere their own mother. We respect her as one would respect a friend's mother. And we pray to her with the faith that she will be a messenger on our behalf. Even in The Hail Mary prayer, we ask that she "pray for us now, and in the hour of our death." We do not ask that she save us herself - we ask that she pray for us. In this scenario, Jesus still does the saving.

Baptism - Baptism is not only within Catholic doctrine. It spans other sects, as well - because sprinkling or immersing ourselves or our children in water is a way to reenact the one part of the Bible that is completely! dedicated! to! Baptism! Baptism in the Catholic sense is meant as an act that wipes the slate clean, as literally washing away our sins in an act of repenting. This alone does not save; rather, it acts as a type of cleansing to do in this physical realm before we meet with God. In this scenario, Jesus still does the saving.

Good works - Catholics don't believe that good works alone save - they are just things Christians do to act in a Christian way to spread God's love. Acting in a way Jesus would is one way to express our faith. In this scenario, Jesus still does the saving.

Church - The church is literally just a community of like-minded individuals regarding religion. We do not ask ourselves to save each other. In this scenario, Jesus still does the saving.

The Pope - The Pope is the head of the church in the metaphoric way of Peter, who was the rock of the church. Catholics do not look to him to save us - and no, we don't worship him, either. In this scenario, Jesus still does the saving.

Catholics believe that believing in Jesus is what saves. We believe that we are simultaneously saved and being saved, with the hope that we will be saved. [X]

tldr; It seems Christians spend more time in a my-love-for-Jesus-is-bigger contest than actually helping others, and this meme perpetuates the antagonistic attitude toward Catholics.